background

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If You Really Knew Me...

I did a post like this over a year ago, and I am currently searching for who I am/want to be, and I think this will help me along the way...
I encourage everyone to try this out and leave it in the comment section, on your own blog, or in your own head. It truly is a fantastic self-assessment and way to get things off my mind.

If you really knew me you would know...

If I could choose to spend a day alone or with a group of friends, I would rather be by myself.
I am currently wishing that I would have chosen a school closer to home, but am too stubborn to transfer.
Even though it may seem like I have my life under control, I am seriously lost at sea right now.
I used to hurt myself, and even though I don't anymore it is forever going to be a part of my life.
I'm pretty sure that it is impossible for me to let anybody stay close to me for a long amount of time, I'm a fantastic people-pusher-awayer.
I have lost sight of my faith. I have become one of those hypocritical Christians and I am disappointed in myself for it.
I only recently came to terms with the fact that you and I are not/will not be together now or anytime in the near future...it's like getting my heart broken all over again.
Nobody can really know me, because I have yet to know myself fully.
I oftentimes feel completely alone in this world, even when I am surrounded by people I know love me.
I hate the way my body looks currently, but I am not motivated to take action to change it.
The longer I think about my dream, the less realistic it's becoming...
I do not want to live to be old, I don't think I will pass the age of 60.
I struggle with anxiety more than I would like to admit. Some days are unbearable.
I do not like college nearly as much as I want to/should and when I say I want to drop-out I'm only half kidding.
My insecurities consume the largest part of my time/life/thoughts.
As much as I want to be a carefree, happy-go-lucky person, I have come to terms with the fact that I am actually a very grounded, very serious person...the kind I never wanted to be.
I will never be good enough.
I will never stop wanting to be more.
I have a terrible time giving up anything, including my pride.
I don't think I'm deserving enough for earthly love right now.
If you really knew me you would know that my insides are in shambles and I'm not entirely sure how to fix it.