Ho. ly. Crap. I was scared, and I had no idea what to say. We went around the circle, everybody obviously uncomfortably and not sharing anything deep...so like a brainless zombie, I followed suit and said, "If you really knew me you would know that I plan on spending at least another year in Honduras." Sure, this is true and it is important in my life...but it's not what I should have actually said. After the whole exercise was over, I thought of a list of things I should have said:
If you really knew me you would know that I believe in Jesus Christ and that he is the only way to true happiness.
If you really knew me you would know that I used to hate myself, but I don't anymore.
If you really knew me you would know that I grew up without a dad because mine is an alcoholic and abandoned me.
If you really knew me you would know that I truely believe that we don't have many years left on this Earth.So, If I really knew you, what would I know?
...you would know I completely agree that we won't be here for long.
ReplyDelete...you would know I not too often, but sometimes secretly wish for someone's misery to continue, which I'm working on greatly.
...you would know I've seriously considered not attending college and growing up a missionary.
...you would know I've been stabbed in the back by a best friend, resulting in my neediness of a SINGLE BEST BEST FRIEND.
...you would know I started growing sick of playing school sports my Junior year of high school.
...you would know I've "performed" Christian acts to be recognized in my past.
...you would know I attempt emanating Jesus and God everyday, but some days I fail miserably.
.. you would know that one time i tried to take my own life away.
ReplyDelete.. you would know that i used to seriously doubt the presence of God in my life.
.. you would know that when i was looking death in the face i repeated over and over, "i don't deserve to go to heaven, just let me die"
.. you would know that the minute i realized how good He is, my life changed dramatically.
.. you would know that i get jealous easily.
.. you would know that when my face is happy, there's a good chance i'm lying.
.. you would know that i give good advice, but can't take it myself.
.. you would know that i truly love God with all of my heart now, and that i have seriously considered life after college spent spreading His Word in third world countries.
-you would know that when I make a mistake, I don't let it go.
ReplyDelete-you would know that I've some a long way in my faith the past few years.
-you would know that I'm horrible at making sure I stay well hydrated. Oops :)
-you would know that I too am gonna be chillin' in Honduras.
-you would know that I struggle to always personify the kind of leader that I want to be.